On Fanfiction and How It Should Be Written
by spring13
Summary: In which Sasori and Deidara have a heated debate on how fanfiction should be written. Topics range from shipping, chapter length, to point of view.
1. Prelude

Sasori slowly scrolled through the pages of fanfiction, while running his wooden fingers through red tresses. "Such horrible writing!" he exclaimed aloud.

"Hn?" Blonde and fit, Deidara sauntered through the office door, a slight skip to his step. He walked over to his roommate, and leaned over his shoulder. Sasori tried to minimize the screen, but Deidara caught a glimpse of the page before he could do so. "Ah! Sasori-kun reads fanfiction, too!" He threw his hands up in excitement, his voice reaching a higher pitch with every word.

"What of it?" Sasori growled.

Deidara giggled to himself. "Nothing, Danna. Are you reading about us, hn?" He danced around the chair, twirling his blonde hair so that the smell of his shampoo filled the air.

Sasori turned around to face he younger, naïve boy in front of him. "I only read _good_ fanfiction," he scoffed.

Deidara feigned shock and stuck his lower lip forward in a pout. "I bet there's good stories about us, un." He then brought a finger to his cheek and grinned. "I bet there are some _really _good ones." He giggled, jumping around to tease his partner.

"You wouldn't know good writing if it bit you in the ass." Sasori rolled his eyes about their wooden socket.

"Hmf." Deidara walked over to the small sofa that occupied their study room and sat down. "Well, what makes a good fanfiction, expert Sasori?"

The redheaded boy smirked. "I'm so glad you asked."


	2. On the rules of writing & one-shots

"First of all," Sasori began, walking over to a small table in the corner, "stories should follow the orthodox rules of writing: grammar, spelling, punctuation, paragraphs, et cetera." He heated a cup of tea on the kettle and then sipped his beverage slowly. "One has to savor a story, like a well-brewed drink. The reader can't do that if he can't even understand if the story is in his native language, because it's riddled with so many errors."

"Eh?" Deidara rocked back and forth, cross-legged on the worn couch.

The redheaded boy sighed, and took another sip of his tea. "What I'm trying to say is that fanfiction needs to follow a standard format, at least for the basics."

Deidara took a mug of oolong, as Sasori handed it to him. "So, what happens if a story doesn't do that?" He played with his ponytail, twirling it between his fingers, as he precariously rested his tea on one knee.

"How can I put it so that someone with the attention span of a gnat and the emotional capacity of a five-year old can understand?" Sasori pondered to himself. "For example, the author may write an amazing story. The plot could be exciting, and the characters could undergo realistic personal growth; but if there aren't any paragraphs to show separation of ideas, the reader will just get lost in a wall of text."

Deidara processed what Sasori had said, while his partner sat down on the couch beside him and continued. "Also, the summary is a dead giveaway of the author's writing style. If there are blatant grammatical and spelling errors in the summary, you're not going to understand it, right?" Deidara nodded, his attention fixed upon Sasori. "From the summary, one can assume that the author is only going to continue to make those mistakes in the story itself."

He waited for Deidara to nod again in recognition. "Additionally, when an author writes insecure comments, like 'I'm not good at summaries', or holds the story ransom, stating 'Will not update until I get X-number reviews', I won't even continue. If the he doesn't believe in his own work, why should I?"

"Un, I don't know if that's fair, Sasori." Deidara's face contorted into a mix of confusion and doubt. "What happened to giving someone a fair chance?"

Another exasperated sigh passed through Sasori's lips. "Fine. Let's assume that there is a reader out there who can understand a story that fails to follow standards. Why do you pick certain fanfiction over others, Deidara?"

Deidara lit up, excited to share. "I like one-shots, yeah!" He sat up, violently knocking over the tea that had previously been on his knee. "Oops."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Clean while you talk, Stupid." He grabbed a napkin from the table, and tossed it to Deidara, who began to soak up the brown liquid.

"Un," the blonde grunted. "I like one-shots, because they're like an explosion of ideas. It's true art, bang!"

"One-shots are not art," Sasori scoffed. "The only art in writing is a long and elaborate story with multiple chapters, each building up toward a central conflict and resolution. All the while, the characters should be undergoing personal growth and resolving minor conflicts nested within internal storyline arcs."

"That's so dull," Deidara responded tersely. "It's boring to read a long story when you could explain just the interesting parts in one chapter. I don't want to read the parts without action. And no one wants to wait for updates; at least you know that the story is done when a one-shot is posted."

"I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand. Assuming that you haven't discovered the filter for only completed stories, and you've ended up reading an in-progress piece," Sasori paused, "waiting is part of the excitement. The reader gets to think through the actions and motives of the characters, reflect on deeper themes, and predict future events. Once a new chapter is released, it's as satisfying as beginning a new cup of tea." He walked over to the teakettle to do just that.

"I still think that one-shots are more fun, and they don't take as long to read."

"So, you don't read any fanfiction that's over how many words?" Sasori asked, stirring a cube of sugar into his cup.

Deidara looked up to think. "Probably three thousand are the most I could read."

Sasori shot a look of absolute disgust over his shoulder. "Three thousand are the absolute minimum that I would ever read. I'm not interested in knowing about a limited snippet of time in a character's life. I want to know all of the details leading up to every event, and every discussion that passes between the protagonist and his rivals. Life is a long process with many intricacies; each moment – so long as it's not unnecessarily tedious – should be appreciated."

"Sasori-kun," Deidara waited for his partner to come back to the couch. "You're boring." Sasori returned the remark with a murderous glare.


End file.
